How to communicate smarter with your client - Non-Violent Communication, what’s it all about? With Yvonne Stoop
The way how nonviolent communication works is that you, you take the feeling and needs together. When you combine them, it's growth, mutual respect to be heard, to be seen, to celebrate the mourn and all these emotions and needs are going through us in our body constantly all the time.
Yvonne Stoop is a Connection and Communication Coach, for ambitious and curious hairstylists. She helps her hairstylists to feel confident and empowered with feelings and words so that they connect on a deeper level with their clients and are therefore able to earn a higher income and be a -booked out high-end hairstylist. Being a Creative Hairstylist herself she understands all the excitement and frustrations on the salon floor. Her approach looks deeply at the basics of strengths, confidence, and what people need and feel. All this is combined in “The art of Connection Method”.
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Here are so follow-up questions I got to ask!
How/why did you start your business?
For a couple of reasons, I moved from The Netherlands to Dubai in 2007 and found myself in an expat community with lots of different nationalities and needed to speak English, my second language. Most expats weren't speaking in their native tongue. So it’s important to make sure that the consultation is clear. I noticed how different and important the consultations were from hair stylists around the globe that had joined our salon. Colleagues started to mention how thorough my consultations were and asked for advice. We can spend hours with 1 client and they share happy but also vulnerable experiences, how do we connect? How can we get this client to be loyal and keep coming back? Bringing that money into the pocket. Then I learned about Non Violent Communication, I am passionate about it as well as hairstyling and decided to bring the two together, since we communicate every single day. How amazing would it be if stylists don’t lay awake a whole night and feel anxious about a tricky situation?
What makes your business unique?
The method I created is based on personal strengths, confidence and that ties in with the NVC (Non Violent Communication). I wished I had known these 3 elements from the start! They are the foundation: not feeling nervous to go into work, knowing what to say and how to say ‘it’ because I know what I need at that time. This is where the confidence comes out!
What impact do you want to have in the world or change you want to see or make happen?
Are You Happy with your business, What makes you happy, And What Would You Change?
Did You Experience Failures? If So, What Did You Learn From Them
Yes I learned a lot along the way, 1 and the most important thing that I learned for myself is how to stop my perfectionism. It stops me in the growth I wish to have. I found out (for me) that there are no mistakes. There are choices that are made at that time with the knowledge and had the best intentions. I might not like the outcome of it but there was a choice to be made. I don't see it as a mistake anymore.
How Did You Handle Adversity And Doubt?
I dived into the NVC with myself, the dialog that we have in our minds comes first before we speak. So what was it that I needed, my gut feeling? I want to make a difference. My clients, family and friends kept me going as well! It’s good to speak out and discuss the reasons why I wanted to start this in the first place. Baby steps, one step at the time.
Do You Plan On Growing Your Business? How?
Do you think self-love and trust are important in running a successful business? Why?
Yes I do, I think it goes together with confidence and self-acceptance. Trusting that the choices make me grow and not keep me stagnant. Working on self love and trust is something that I also worked on and learned with the 2 ecstatic pain free births I have had. But that’s for another story. Spirituality, self-love and trust are the drive towards contribution, co-creation and balance in life.
What advice would you give someone interested in starting their own business?
Are you passionate about something? What's the need behind the business you would like to set up? Take your time to explore and talk with your clients that you would like to serve. See what their needs are and how they would feel about the change that you would like to provide. Research a lot first, it’ll make the ideas come together. If you feel excited about it then go for it!
If you would rather read the interview, feel free to check out the full transcription below!
I want you to have the business that is aligned with your values and deeper passions, instead of settling for what everyone else tells you, you and your business should look like you are here to fall deeper into love with your passions and be a leader in the beauty industry. And it is my mission to educate as many professionals as I can so that we can all create the success.
We want care for our clients and make earth friendly impact on the industry on a larger scale. Welcome to the enlightened hairstylists podcast. I'm your hostess, Jacqueline Rodriguez. And I've been in the beauty industry for over two decades. And I love educating other hairstylists beauty professionals and salon owners on how to create holistic, sustainable salon environments so that you can reclaim the joy and passion you have for the industry.
We're going to dive deep into harnessing the power of energy work neuroscience, to break through limiting beliefs and create the wealth and freedom you want in your business. So let's stop the overwhelm and the burnout and tap into the passion that got you into the industry to begin with. Join me here weekly, to learn how to listen to your intuition, rewire your brain,
to work for you instead of against you and create healthier holistic approach to your business. I believe through greater numbers, we can have change. Hello everyone. And welcome back to the enlightened hairstylist podcast. I am your hostess, Jacqueline Rodriguez, and I am here with a very special guest from Dubai. Her name is Yvonne Stoop. She is a connection and communication coach for ambitious and curious hairstylist.
We know you're out there and you are curious and you're ambitious. And she has some really amazing information to share with us about the way we communicate with our guests. And, you know, if we're communicating like that with our guests, it also trickles out into our family and our friends. So it makes a big, big difference. And it is really something that I haven't heard a communication story like this.
So I'm very excited to have her on today. So without further ado, let's bring on Yvonne, how are you? I'm good. Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. I'm actually so thrilled. So yeah. Thank you for having Me over. I am very excited to have you as well. I think that this is so one of the things that I find so amazing nowadays with technology is I get to meet people from like Dubai and yesterday I had someone from Sweden and this is such a beautiful way for us to all come together because you know,
our industry, it's huge, it's everywhere. And we have so much to learn from one another. So I find this like giddy exciting. So go ahead. Sorry. I think Good. So right. You're so right. It's so exciting to meet people from all over the world and to feel, and be inspired by others and to grow and, and yeah,
they're her little things, bits and bobs from all around the world. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's a beautiful thing because we get to come together in a new way that years before we had zoom and all of that, we, we connected only through visiting and especially now, because during this recording, we're still in COVID uncertainty. So we can't really travel as much as we used to or want to.
So I'm, I'm just very grateful for the opportunity like this. And I can't wait to hear more about, like, tell me a little bit about you, how you got into the industry and then we'll go into what you're doing now. Yeah. So the way how I got into the industry is a story that my clients often quite like I'm, I'm the eldest of six kids.
And my mom had a leaflet on the doormat saying like, there was a hairstylist course. She's like, oh, I'm going to do that. And I was like, I was 15 at the time. And I was like, Ooh, that sounds really interesting. I would love to do that. And yeah, that's how I rolled into hairdressing and did one course.
Then I ended up doing four. Then I went to the hair academy. So yeah, it's from one thing another came. And then when I finished my academy in the same year, I moved to Dubai and that's about 13, almost 14 years ago. Wow. So did your mom become the hairstylist as well? No. Okay. So she had the pamphlet.
Yeah, exactly. Interesting enough. I actually started my journey in high school. So I guess I was around the same age, decided that I wanted to go into cosmetology. I did it in high school and I was already a cosmetologist. And my mom, like when we left the house, she actually decided to go to school and become a cosmetologist as well.
So my mom's hair. Yes. And the beautiful part about it is I get to work with her all the time. Cause she works in my salon. So it's, it's really interesting that you said that about your mom. That's so great. So where did you move from before you went to Dubai? From Holland Holland. Okay. Was my whole life In the Netherlands and I moved to Dubai.
So it was in terms of like communication. It was quite difficult for me because English is my second language. So I had to relearn all the terminology of like blow dry. And how do you say it, if you just want to have a little bit taken off your hair, you know, in Holland three, if you would translate it from Dutch to English,
you would say points, but it's obviously in English, it's like a trip blow dry. So all the words and things I needed to like relearn and retrain at that time. So yeah. It all worked out. That's amazing. Yeah. Because when you, you go somewhere else, I mean, words are so different and you're used to having it or saying it one way.
I know for myself, I am, I am Hispanic, my father's from Uruguay. And when I grew up speaking Spanish, I have let that go a little bit as I've gotten older because the community, I don't have enough people to talk to. And especially in my profession so I can hold a conversation. But in my profession, I don't talk to my family about blow dries and trims and color.
So it's adding those in. That's very interesting. So, so tell us a little bit about, you know, you, the reason you got into the communications world is because you had to adapt, right. You have a really different way of the communication and it's about nonviolent communication. So I can't wait to hear and the audience can't wait to hear,
like what, what is that and how does that apply to hairstylist? Yeah. So when I came to Dubai, the terminology, I had to change, like learn a new language, basically in the hair industry and also in Dubai, there's so many different nationalities with culture differences. And so the way how people say certain things and make things clear to you,
like about their hair or their life. So the communication and I worked in two different hair salons here in Dubai. And when I moved from my first salon to the second, I realized that my consultations could be actually be improved way more so in the second salon was high-end the first one was more like a homey salon and it was perfect for me to start out.
But I noticed that when I went to the, to the high-end salon, that I was like, wow, there is such a big difference in like having a consultation. And then I had a personal coach and she introduced me to non-violent communication. And also like, well, I was intrigued, but reading his book from Marshall Rosenberg, I found it quite complicated.
And then I was thinking about always doing something on the sides besides hairdressing. And I love teaching I've. I actually wants to be a teacher before I became a hairdresser. And so I thought, you know what, when I was diving more and more into non-violent communication, I was like, why don't I get that together with hair hairdressers hairstylists? Because if hairstylist will start to talk more in a non-finance communicating way,
it will have a ripple effect to where it's clients. And so I thought that was just a really beautiful thing to do because there are certain steps that you can follow. And then you have a little bit of a guide into your mind of how you can leave the consultation and lead a conversation. So there's more way how to connect with your client, but also more compassion,
regardless if you agree, or if you don't agree with the client, but that's connection or more understanding from, from each other. Yeah. The way how you understand each other, is there more than if you, if you speak without the way of, of nonviolent communication, look at it. Yeah. And I really love that because I mean, you know,
we, our consultations, the biggest problems that we have in salons is miscommunication. Right. I didn't understand the client, the client didn't understand me. And then we are, you know, the client ends up leaving unhappy with something that she didn't want. And we don't understand because we thought we knew, right. So that's just pure miscommunication. I know that a lot of the hiccups I've ever had in my industry is from miscommunication.
So learning how to have a beautiful way of communicating that is compassionate and loving and caring. It's wonderful. So could you tell us a little bit more of like what, what's the difference of, you know, typical, you know, communication? Yeah. I can actually give an example that I have myself, which has stayed with me till this date.
So I had a lady in the salon and she was from Ukraine, very minimal English. She had quite a dark roots, an orange band, previous highlighted, like highly bleached highlights. And so she wants to have like a nice neutral blonde. Okay. And so as much as I could, I tried to make everything as clear as possible. We looked at pictures that she brought in.
I showed her some pictures. Do you like this? Don't you like that? That type of thing. And then when we started to do her hair, this color correction, I, when I did the toner, she, we, she came back down after I did the toner and she sits in the chair and she's like, what's this, this is Ash.
It's not like good for my skin. Not good for my complexion. And I was like, okay. So are you, are you feeling on happy? Are you feeling unsure about the color because it's still wet? And the thing is, is like in Dubai, I would say 90% of the people want to have Ash tones. And I actually didn't even use like an Astro.
And I actually used a violet with a bit of gold, but it's, wasn't warm or neutral enough for her. So she actually started screaming at me in the salon. My manager came over from the other side, but I was like, you know what? I'm, I'm fine. I'm okay. So the way how I handled it was she obviously was super unhappy with her hair and that's fine.
And it's possible to change. Right. So the way how I approached it was there MIS I'm just, I'm sure you're feeling unhappy, maybe a bit of insecurity or that you worried that your hair is not going to be nice, like when you leave the salon, but I hope you can trust me that I would like you to be happy and excited about your hair when you leave the salon.
And I like to have excitement for you and also to make sure that I deliver what you would like to have. So what happened there is she actually comes down a lot. And so afterwards she was, yeah, she was actually thrilled with her hair color. So, and she's coming back to me since it, to this day. So it's super good.
So the way, how nonviolent communication works is that you, you take the feeling and needs together. So your feelings could be worried, unhappy, anxious, nervous, but you could also be excited, relaxed. You could feel I'm lost now. So like maybe at peace or just exactly. Yeah. So, and then when you combine them with needs together,
it's growth, mutual respect to be heard, to be seen, to celebrate the mourn and all these emotions and needs are going through us in our body constantly all the time. But very often we know that we feel maybe anxious or happy, but what is it actually that we need? What is actually our need behind that emotion? And so when you know your needs and you combine them together,
that's when you are able to connect on a deeper level. Beautiful. So then if they're sitting down and you're getting ready to do the consultation, how would you go about finding out their needs and the emotions that they're having? Right. How, how would we be able to determine how to communicate with them? Yeah. So first the first one of the first steps you would do is to observe.
So you, listen, you hear, sometimes you smell, you touch. Like you you're basically look at the facts of what is happening. And then so when the client comes in and she has, for example, a picture of a certain reds, then what I would, I would ask her certain questions of like, how would she feel about if it would be more of a strawberry red or a cherry red or more going more towards the brown,
which should be happy with this, which should be excited about that type of color. Then also when you're looking at the needs, for example, maybe I would love to do like a super bright red color. And that's also what she maybe has in mind or shown a picture. But in reality, when she goes back home and she goes to her job,
maybe they're, they don't really like that sort of. So even though she showed you a picture of that really bright, vibrant color, you can done start ask questions of like, how would it be in your daily life? Do you want to have something that's going to surprise people? Do you want to have something that is more low maintenance? Do you to have something that is like with your corporate job?
Is that something that you would like to have a little bit more subtleness if, if that's necessary. So do you want to have growth? You know, what do you want to grow in with your hair? Or, yeah, so there's so many different things that are able to, to connect together. Wonderful. So really being observant and asking the right questions that takes them not only from the picture or cause I,
for example, just had someone and they're like, oh yeah, they sat down. They're like, yeah, I want to go read. And we're talking. And like her idea of red was way different. It was a warm brown, not even read in my book. Right. As, you know, the words or the extents of bread. And when we were talking like,
luckily we, we looked at the pictures and finding out like how vibrant or how much of a change she would want in her daily life. I liked that. You said like, do you want to have the, like, do you want to surprise people? Or like have a shocking change? You know? So it's getting deeper on that. I like that.
Yeah. So then when, once you have communicated, like walk us through, I guess, a little bit more of the process with the non-violent part. Yeah. So when you're, when you know your feelings, so let's say for example, there is a situation in your, in the salon and you feel a little bit anxious and you're not really a hundred percent sure.
You know, like you feel it may be in your tummy or your throat or your chest is a little bit like tightening and shallow breathing. And then you, what, what is it that you actually need at that time? Very often we are aware that we're anxious, but what is, what is the need behind it that you're feeling anxious. So is it that you would like to have,
is it that you would like to have more clarity? Is it that you would like to talk things through upfront before you see a client, you know, like with your colleagues or your, your manager, is it let's say if somebody would always come late into the salon and you're like, oh, you know, you're getting irritated. And you're like,
because your need is to serve the clients right at that time when you're starting your day and not like starting 10 minutes later. So the needs that you have is that you want to be, you want to have your, your stuff or you or your colleagues. You want them to be prepared so that they can give the best service to the client. So punctuality.
So when you know that need behind the feeling and you connect that together again, you, you actually instantly very often feel more calm. You're like, oh, that's why I feel maybe the anxious. And then very often the anxiousness or nervousness or irritation flows away a little bit. It eases off. And then what happens that gives more space to understand maybe the colleagues or the client's point of view.
And then you can ask a question so you can request actually in a certain way, if they would be wanting to go to get on time. Let's say, for example, if that would be the, the example. So let's, let's say for example, Marie is always 10 minutes late to start work and the clients are waiting. So you feel irritated because you want to start with that like solid timing,
then you can actually ask, would you mind? I feel irritated because I would like to give the clients the best service that we can. And one of those things would be to start on time. Would you be willing to start five minutes earlier or come 15 minutes earlier so we can prepare everything. We can set everything up because I find it important to start at the time,
to get everything, everything ready. And so when you do that, there will be, people will be less likely to, they will be more likely to understand you. Well, yeah, cause it's such a different energy than coming in and going, oh, you were late again. You know, I tell you to be here on time and you know,
be in very, that's very violent communication there and it doesn't, it's not received well either. So then it just causes tension or on the opposite side of maybe not violent and more passive where we hold it in, we don't say anything. And we just get more and more irritated, which in a salon environment, we are faced with all sorts of personalities,
all sorts of people all day in and out, whether it's the people we work with or our clients. And then we have to deal with people at home as well. Right? So it's like this revolving door of a lot of different personalities. So I think it's very important to have that tool in your pocket like that. Yeah. I would love to jump into that actually,
because there's two, I think important things that you said, one is more or less sort of like the silent treatment. If I could say it that way. So basically what happens then is that that irritation or annoyance that you feel inside your body stays in your body. And maybe because you don't want to have a conflict. And so when you don't want to have that conflict,
you might not see anything, but it's still aggravating inside your body, which is not really a good thing. If you want to be aligned and in a good space, you know, like a good space in a good energy. The second thing is that when you say, when you give the example, I told you to do dah, dah, dah,
dah, and then with that is that you portray it to some somebody else. So instead of saying, I would like, I would love, I feel annoyed. I feel worried. I feel devastated. I'm heartbroken, I'm excited. I'm amazed. Like you start with yourself. And then when you know, that need behind the feeling, you will be able to explain it because it's pure.
You it's nobody else. It's just you. So when it's just, you doesn't matter what somebody else says about anything about it, because only you can feel those feelings and only, you know, your need behind your thoughts. And so maybe somebody else doesn't agree necessarily with the situation, how it's handled and the way how you would like to get to get to it.
But when you follow that, those basic steps of the NVC, you you'll be able to get there together. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Because every situation, and this is a lot of what I talk in my coaching with every situation, every situation is neutral. And it's a very hard thing at first to understand. So even with that,
like how you're feeling, it's your perception, it's a neutral situation. And then we give it a perception. So whether that's good, bad, indifferent, it doesn't really matter. But it's all what our perception is and your perception is going to be different than my perception. So being able to start within and seeing how you're putting the feelings, when everything is super smart with X being very,
very open and honest in your communication with people. I, wow. I really liked that a lot. Great. Yeah. And so then what, I'm just reading some notes over here. Like what sort of impact has this made in your communication, in the salon with your team members, with your family, like all of that, what sort of impact has this really made in your life?
So it actually made a big impact for myself the way how I feel. So I feel less anxious. I feel more confident because I can, I have now a guideline of the way, how I can speak up. I, the way how I can set boundaries, the way, how I can voice my concerns, opinions, ideas, without feeling twisted on like what the outcome would be,
because I know what my feelings are about a certain topic. I know what my need is. And because I know now how to say it, I can confidently do it, do that because even though it might hurt the other person a little bit or a lot, maybe there is also then some hurt maybe for me. And then you can talk about it in that way.
So, and actually has made a big, a big difference with my, with my clients because they feel more hurts. They feel more understood. They're feeling more seen. So there is like that extra emotional and deeper connection with, with my clients and with family as well. It makes a lot of situations, a whole lot easier. Yeah. Yeah.
I can totally see that. I mean, let's face it, people come in and we are that safe space for them. So the one thing that our clients really want is to be heard and seen. And I know, I know from my experience with clients coming in, if they have left other salons, a lot of it comes down to that communication.
Cause they didn't feel heard not to say that doesn't, that does not mean that the stylist wasn't really listening, it's just their perception. Right? So be in very, very communicative. If I could say that communicative and clear will help turn those situations around. And also just, you're going to grow that, strengthen that bond between you and your client so much more.
And that's how we get clients that don't leave us for 20 years, clients that refer us and we build our business because we are communicating and listening with love and care and compassion. Exactly, exactly. And so what I said earlier, already as well, like when, when you use that NVC sort of like guidelines, then what happens is that you have that ripple effect from,
from the hairstylist to the client and then from the client, maybe bringing it to the, to the kitchen table, you know, inside their homes. And I think when you, I think when you have that, the deeper connection with your clients, like you said, they won't leave you for 20 years, even if they would be unhappy at a certain time,
or maybe didn't feel understood, right? Like you don't know the tools, you have those basics there to find out and understand and what the beauty is as well with NVC, when you then know your strengths for yourself and you have that confidence in yourself, you don't portray the judgments that clients make towards you or the emotions that they show towards you. You don't take that on as your own responsibility because it's their feelings and it's their needs.
And it's not necessarily that I need to take that personally. And when you say, oh, you shouldn't take that personally. Cause we, I mean, I've heard that before, oh, don't take it personally. Like it's, it's, it's her thing and yes, that's true. But like how can you actually not take it personally? So then again,
if you then find out what the client's needs are and the client's feelings by asking questions, you are able like the requests, then you are able to see it from their perspective, regardless again, if you agree with it or not, but you are able to connect them. If you're going to continue working together or not, that's, that's a total,
like that could be a mutual decision as well, but you're there to, to, to support that client, but not take those feelings home with you. Yeah. I, I love that, that I, and I'm sure a lot of the stylists and anyone listening has felt that when somebody says something, you take it as a direct hit against you.
And when we're not stepping in and really be in, in our own power, knowing our needs, knowing our emotions and being confident, we take that a lot harder. And when we're able to be confident in the way we're communicating, then it does become a lot easier to understand that that's their perception. And however, they're speaking, it doesn't have anything to do with you.
So this is super valuable tool to have in your salon, behind the chair, with your clients so that you can be happier, just a more confident, happier stylist as well. Cause I, I mean, I was one in the beginning of stressed out, felt like my clients were always just, it was hard. It didn't feel natural. It didn't feel easy.
And I would take all of that home with me. If I had a really great day, then I'd come home happy if I had a really crappy day because I couldn't understand what my clients wanted or I felt like they were directly attacking me. I would take that home with me and you know, that's not a way for us to live. And I love that we have tools now to be able to switch that and start living a more holistic or creating a holistic approach to our business.
Yeah. That exactly. Yeah, exactly. Well, I, I love having you on, I cannot wait to hear more, please tell us how we can find you and how, how can we learn how to communicate with our clients like this? Yeah. So I'm on Instagram. The Instagram account is called blissful hassle and I will start a life guided online course in October,
which will be on if, on the stoop.teachable.com. Beautiful. Yeah. That's, that's where you will be able to find me. And what I would love to do is, is to connect with the other hairstylists, to look at their strengths, to look at the non-violent communication and then really look at confidence as well, because I think those three together are the main part of it,
like working everything hand in hand. So two methods is actually called the arts of connection methods and yeah, that's, that's basically where, where people can find me and what I'm, what I'm doing at the moment. Beautiful. Well, thank you so much for sharing your knowledge, your energy with us. I think it's a very valuable thing that you are doing.
So I appreciate you and thank you to everyone who is watching and as always, all of her Yvonne Yvonne's information will be listed below. So you can just check it on the blog where every link will be listed there and get ready to take a look in October to learn this communication skill so that you can be more confident, happier, more joyful, and a loving stylist you want to like have that passion for our industry.
And this is a great way to start getting back into that. So thank you so much. You're welcome. It was a pleasure. It was so Much fun. Fantastic. I will see you all next week. Stay tuned for some upcoming things. I am going to be having a masterclass on how to get your salon started with holistic and sustainable practices.
And you are looking at August 25th and then I'm going to have a few other dates. So keep tuned for that information. Check in your inbox and message me if you want more information. Thank you so much. We'll see you next week.