Overcoming trauma in your life with Marcy Pusey
At one point or another, we have all had our fair share of trauma. It may take a while to get over and feel safe again, but what we must know is with the right help we can develop strategies that will speed up our recovery, and once again be the best version of ourselves.
Our guest for today, Marcy Pusey, is a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor and Certified Trauma and Resilience Practitioner, International 2x TEDx speaker, Story Coach, Publishing Consultant, and an Award-winning author of books for adults and children! Tune in to the podcast, to catch her amazing story on how she handled all these things, talk about storytelling and overcome trauma.
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Trusting your intuition will lead you to create a passionate and joy-filled life. Are you ready to get turned on to a new way of thinking? Are you ready to meet people who have conversations that speak to the things that truly light you up? What if you had access to a podcast that featured women, just like you, who shared stories that empowered you to let go of a lifetime,
to other's expectations, and to start living in the now with passion and joy, I'm Jacqueline Rodriguez, founder of your intuitive light coaching owner of enlightened styles, holistic salon, and your host of the intuitive light podcast for the enlightened entrepreneur. My goal is to help women recognize how tightly they are tied to negative thoughts and other people's expectations so that they can fully embrace and become the untethered CEO.
They've always wanted to be. You're about to meet some amazing women who will inspire you to untether yourself from any fears, the negativity that you carry, and become the untethered CEO of your life. This podcast is for you woman champion, warrior, entrepreneur, mother, phenomenal. Hello everyone. And welcome back to your intuitive light podcast. I am your hostess, Jack Rodriguez.
And I am like always, I'm so excited. This is one of my favorite things that I get a chance to do is meet other amazing women entrepreneurs, really putting their passions out into the world and helping all of us. So today I have Marcy and she is a certified rehabilitation counselor and certified trauma and resilience practitioner. She's a two time inter international Ted talk,
speaker story, coach publishing consultant, and award-winning author. This lady has done so many things and her story is very interesting. And I think that it's going to be very beneficial to really connect with you and bring out that there are so many things that we can help change in our world and including the trauma to really build up resilience. And I think that Marcy is the perfect lady to talk about it.
So without further ado, let me add you welcome mercy. Thank you for having me. Of course. Thank you so much for being here. I am fascinated with the storytelling and especially when you were talking about trauma and being able to come out of that, instill who you are out there and tell your story in such away. And you've done two amazing Ted talks on that,
and you're an author and, and the list just keeps going on. So tell us who you are and how you got started. Yeah, Yeah. You know, listening to you read what I do. I'm like, wow. She sounds amazing. Like, that's incredible. And, and, but I also am so aware of my own life journey and humanity and the places that I've been,
and what's brought me here. And so for anyone listening, who hears that and goes, Oh my gosh, how do you get there? I don't know. I'm just showing you, I don't know. I'm just showing up in the spaces. And, and some of what we were talking about is that it has been through my own traumatic experiences, that,
that my eyes have been open to other people in the situation I'm going through and has given me such a heart and compassion for them. That, that up to this point, I now feel like I want to be such a voice for people, but not just their voice. I'm going to create a space for their voices to be heard and that's become my purpose.
And so whether it's through helping people, publish books or formulate a message for a stage or engage their business audience, that's, that's my goal. And I aim to create those spaces where people can learn how to do that to the best of their ability, because that furthers the impact, right? My one voice can be impactful, but if I can help other voices be heard,
that impact is leveraged and grows exponentially. And so, yeah, I do that through the story, coaching, consulting, editing in a variety of ways, but the heart of it is really creating belonging spaces for people. Because I think I haven't felt like I've belonged for so long, or I have felt on the outside of situations or whatever it might be. And,
and so, again, hearing you read all of that, I'm like, man, the places I've come from, you know, I grew up in a single-parent home at times on welfare. One of the stories I share in the first TEDx talk is, is about winning tickets to a circus, which I did through writing. And it gave me a sense of,
wow, I have something to offer the world, but then it gave me a gift for my family. Like they had never been to a circus. We had never been to the circus, let alone, you know, Disneyland. I mean, my believer award for the week was like a McDonald's kid's meal. If I did all my chores, right?
Like that was this big thing. And, and to think of how that little girl didn't know then what her pen could do or the power of a pen, just a glimpse of it. But no one was really there to speak life into her. And to say your future, you can change lives by doing this. Nobody told me no. So I went on to become a therapist,
which is great, like that also helps people, but it wasn't the thing I really think I was made to do. And so with time and the way our society has shifted and made more space for voices to be heard from a variety of platforms, I mean, podcasting being one of those, I've been able to shift, bring the skillset I learned as a professional there,
but then now channel that into what I really want to do, which is right. And then again, give people a platform to be heard. I think what you're doing is so important. And like you've said impactful because look at everybody, who's listening. I, we all have our stories. We all have those traumas or things that, you know,
we thought would hold us back. And if we learn how to leverage that and start helping and impacting other people and lifting each other, that's what you're doing. That's what, that's what I do. I am so passionate about being there and lifting other women so that they can have the confidence and the love for themselves to truly be out there and do what they're passionate about.
And that these journeys are, are beautiful. And literally, everyone has a story that they can tell and it will resonate and help someone. And I just think what you're doing is amazing. And you sound like that passion manure, which is so important. And I know that there are others out there that are listening that are passion pinners you just don't know how to start.
Yeah. So I would love to hear, like how does one creative entrepreneur get started on telling their story? And, you know, I know I have a way of healing traumas, but you have a whole different way of healing trauma and telling a story. Yeah. Yeah. It's so incredible. I think often our self-awareness can be limited too. I know I want to help people and I know care about this thing.
And sometimes as entrepreneurs, we'll try to step into that space, but feel blocked or confused or not really sure how to get going or what story to tell, because maybe we've got a few. And what I've learned is what we call Raiders writer's block or stage fright, or just being stuck is really just a need for deeper awareness. Self-awareness because often the things that we are wanting to do in the people we're wanting to impact are some version of ourselves that we either have dealt with a lot or not enough.
And so the stuckness is often that we still need to do more with our own journey. We cannot share a story for the benefit of others until we really made peace with it. The problem is that often in our own storytelling, we're censoring ourselves. We're always thinking about how people are going to respond. What are they going to think? What's the review going to be?
What if my great aunt learns that I ever felt this way, right? Like we're always a little bit censoring ourselves, fuss preventing ourselves from having a truly honest experience with what we've been through. And when we can't be honest with ourselves again, we can't share it. And so for anyone who's feeling that kind of stack or staring at a blank screen
or man, I want to engage people, but I don't know how I know it's through this theme. I would say step back and really go, okay, where do I need to start my own storytelling? And that can be different for different people. For me, it is writing it down. I have to get all of the strings of things in my head,
out on paper. There's a, there's a quote by Flannery O'Connor that I usually butcher, but it's something to the effect of I write so that when I read what I've written, I can understand what I'm thinking. That is so true for me. And everybody does it a little differently. Cause as you say that I am a talker and I don't particularly care to write.
I will journal here and there. But for me, the journey of really bringing that out me is meditation, homing inward, and asking those questions of which way do I need to go? And that's why I teach people meditation and intuition of how do you start hearing that? So whether you're a writer or you're not, or use, I grabbed my phone and use audio.
So the point of it is really to get in, go inward more and start getting clear on what it is you want Grappling with your story. If that's a verbal process, sometimes that's having a trusted friend. Who's willing to just do a lot of listening and be a sounding board. So you can get it out. If it's more of an artistic endeavor,
it might be, I need to draw everything I'm feeling and paint it for some people its body movement. I need to just act out the things that are trapped in here. It, it, the expression of it doesn't matter what matters. And this moves trauma. Like I haven't gotten a lot into brain trauma, but this actually moves trauma. That's lodged in our brains is anytime you allow your body to do something uncensored,
unscripted, just from deep within, you don't have to interpret it. You don't have to understand it. You don't need a psychologist there to explain it to you. You just allow yourself to output freely without that censorship. And it does move into slobs trauma. It's a very powerful thing. And energetically, it moves trauma as well. And it's such if there are multiple layers of all of that.
And I, I find it so fascinating. Yeah, it's incredible. It is. And it's powerful for people who are listening and like, these are the steps. You start getting a chance to move one step closer and having a little bit more clarity and releasing some of that trauma so that you can just start being who you are. And does that,
do you find that once people are in that and they're starting to release trauma, they move and they change and they grow. Yeah, absolutely. Because the way trauma sits in our brains is in a part of the brain. That's very sensory, but also very present tense. It doesn't know to assign it to a time in history. So if you've gone through a traumatic experience and your brain interpreted that experience as a threat to your survival in some way,
then it stays stuck. We can go through traumatic experiences that don't become a trauma. It's a lot how we perceive the meaning of that event, how our brains interpret it as a threat or not a threat. But when it's perceived as a threat, it gets lodged in our brain and it stays in the now, which means we can't ever really move forward in the future in a variety of ways,
right? Because every little trigger, every little brain association or connection to that pain or that event, or what we took from, it brings it right back to now. So you can be at the grocery store and hear overhear something or see a color or smell the smell and be right back in the moment. So when we're talking about growing and developing and healing and moving forward,
we're stymied when we're not being willing to face, those triggers and the pain that it brings up healthily. Right? But, but through these expressions that we're talking about, whether it's storytelling from a stage or from in writing or through meditation and prayer or whatever, it might be being willing to face those really uncomfortable feelings, sit with them,
acknowledge them in a safe place. That's the other part of healing is allowing yourself to re-experience the feelings of it while being grounded in the present moment of your safety and then close your brain over and over, it's okay to have this feeling and your life not be threatened. So that begins to assign it right? So a place in the brain that says,
Oh, that was a time in history. It's not today in the grocery store all over again, but it's that bravery that's required. We have to be willing to be uncomfortable and feel that fear, feel that anxiety feel that feeling, but also intentionally remind ourselves at the moment I'm safe. You know, the grounding techniques, I'm sure you've, you've got to right,
like being attentive, attentive to what's around you feeling the ground beneath you, the deep breaths, the feeling your fingers are a stress ball. You know, being outside in nature is a real grounding thing for me, or in water is very grounding. So giving yourself those opportunities, how do you connect with that? What are some things you do? Oh,
definitely staying grounded again with, I use a lot of different techniques with crystals and outside. I'm very a water to me I'm very connected to water. So whether it is taking a shower or having, I usually have my water fountain going, but I turned it off in the podcast. So you guys can hear me but keeping those things grounded. And like you were saying with the brain,
it's a fascinating thing. And that's why I went into neuroscience as well to start breaking those things down because a thought connected with an emotion that we repeat over and over again, creates these beliefs in our brain. And then we do not pull them out. Yes, it can be uncomfortable. But like you said, if you're in a safe space and we work through them,
then there's a way to break that entire thought, that entire belief. And what I love is the whole rewriting part of it and putting those on automation so that when we have those triggers, it takes a while. But it's that hard work truly pays off when you are dedicated to self-healing and being able to rewire those beliefs in your brain and your energy
like we're all a body that's connected. Right. And we need to move that trauma and rewrite it. Yeah. Otherwise, the image that comes to mind is sort of like being cattle corralled along, right. Or maybe even sheep. But I like every time a trigger comes up, it's almost like that fence closing. And we just subconsciously impulsively act on those triggers away from them.
Right. Cause we don't want to be uncomfortable. We don't want to feel fear or anxiety or any of the painful things. And so here comes like the briefest association, our brain makes the connection. We're like, Nope, I'm going this way. And so it ends up being like we're in, in amaze or some kind of crowd where we're being steered.
And so we think I'm living my authentic life. I'm trying to move forward. I'm growing. But in reality, we're just constantly responding out of fear to those things come up and we're being driven. And we're probably being driven by the dreams that we have from the potential that we have for a true impact on health. And so when we're willing to like,
see that fence come up and say, no, that's the direction I want to go. And I'm not going to be afraid of this fence. You know, I'm going to do the work and have that door open again, suddenly we're in this wide-open pasture and the world is right before us, but it takes that bravery to say, I can be uncomfortable.
And the more we do it, the more we create a kind of muscle memory that says come hard things, you know, the first one feels like dying. The second one still feels like dying. The third time. You're like, I felt like dying twice now and I've lived, I think I can do this. And we begin to build a memory with our small Spittle can trust ourselves to be able to face a fear or an anxiety or a memory and overcome it in a way that leads us into that pasture.
That's a beautiful way of putting it. I mean, it really is those Gates opening and the opportunity that the whole part of being uncomfortable and starting to break through those Gates, the opportunities that our intuition and I feel like the universe allows us to see at that point are, are things that we never even thought possible. So standing up for ourselves and having that bravery will pay off.
Yeah. Always. Yep. I mean, that's why when you read off that list in the beginning, I'm like, where's That person like So much of my life was really fear-driven and, and, and discomfort avoidance. But I would say a few years ago, I, there, there was a quote Nelson Mandela who says, may your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears.
And that really stuck with me. And it became a filter through which I could slow down before I made any decision. And I could ask myself, am I, am I being steered here by my fear or my being steered by my hope. And I began to make decisions that were based. And so that's why I'm like, almost not even sure how I got here,
but really that's how was I chose hope? And I tried to not choose fear. And when I wanted to puke or pee my pants, like that was usually a sign that it was the right thing, right. That like, Oh, this is the direction I need to go because this feels bigger than me and I always a little bit want to be in places that feel bigger than me,
because that's where I'm going to get stretched and grow and rely on the strength that, that, from my faith perspective, isn't mine. Like I need that external strength to the boy, me through things that I don't feel capable of, or I need a community around me to believe me because sometimes I borrow their belief. I may not have it for me yet,
but if you believe in me, I can hang onto that to take the next step. And that's all it is, is to take that next step, because then you start creating that muscle memory of believing in yourself. And then you're able to start taking step after step. And I was actually on a call earlier today and it was, we were talking about fears and she's like,
well, if I say this, like, and I'm, I believe it. Like, I feel like it's a lie. It's okay for us to feel like that in the beginning, just having the hope of, and then putting in the work. Like I told her it's consistency. So the way I walk my clients through is, you know, really breaking that down and then rewriting it and putting the new thing on automation.
It takes time. So being committed to that, it's okay. At the beginning that you don't believe it, that you're holding onto someone else's strength in you. That is okay. But when we're facing fear it's and I don't, I mean, like when I go in and I'm doing all of this work and everything, it's not so that I never faced fear again.
It's okay to face fear. It's there for a reason it's to face fear, and then to realize that this is not a true fear and to do it anyway. Yeah. And to recognize the difference between this is actually a threat to my survival in life. And this is not because our brains are that fight or flight and freeze and fallen and all the things that are adding to it.
Now that's real. That was part of the design of the brain to keep you alive. The thing is that often it begins to create associations that we allow, like if we're a passive observer, our brain just going to do it, it's just going to create associations and say, Ooh, last time you were in this situation, you felt like dying.
So you probably are dying this time too. Right? It's always going to trigger us right back into that, that animal brain actually likes our lowest part of our brain. Isn't where we make our best decisions. It's not where we can delay gratification or think clearly like that's the top part of our brain. That's our prefrontal cortex, but we drop right into our brainstem and our amygdala when
we perceive it as a threat to our life. And so if we're aware of that like you said, we can actually slow that down and really have a conversation with ourselves. Is this fear that I'm feeling this really strong feeling, which is based on all these legit chemicals based on truth. We can talk ourselves back from that. In my second TEDx talk,
I cover ways that we can name the brain through animals. And so I talk about this with my kids, with myself, we've got the owl up here in the prefrontal cortex. We've got the mere cat. Who's the amygdala always on alert to let you know if you're safe or not safe. And then you've got the tiger. Who's your brainstem. Who's hanging out like waiting to know if he needs to fight or run.
And most people just chill when things are safe. Right. So I talk about that. Like, if my kids are starting to get amped up, I'm like, don't lose your owl. Cause the LL flies away when the Mir can feel like things might be in danger and then the tiger, again, deep, deep brain STEM stuff like whose survival,
but not helpful for nonsurvival things. It gets all activated and then we're irritable. And we're, you know, we're not thinking clearly we're being irrational and quick because, in a survival situation, you don't need to be logical. You need to be alive. Right. So when that time is activated, you lose all of that ability. So I'm always talking to my kids with myself,
like be mindful of your owl. I think the feathers were ruffled. Let's talk to them, your cat, and say mere cat. I know you saw this like smoke in the distance. Okay? Right. Like it's a trash dump being burned, whatever. Like this is a conversation that we can have when we enter a moment where we feel the feelings into your,
those feelings are based on a belief. So we can pull back and say, is that belief truthfully fueling my feelings. And if not, I can slow this whole thing down and decide in the face of fear because we're never going to not be afraid. We're going to encounter beautiful things, our whole lives. So it was a skill set then is how do I face that?
Truly determine if it's, a legitimate threat that needs my tiger to respond, or if it's not legitimate and we can activate our owl to make healthy decisions for us. I love that you use animals. I'm so like, I love spirit animals and connections to that because the energy is so powerful with animals and the owl, the Meerkat, and the tiger.
I love those. So I love that you put that together. The Ted talk, I didn't want to redo the whole thing, so go onto that more on it, but yeah. Yeah. Well, we'll link it. Perfect. Yeah. But it is. It's a perfect way to look at it. So it's okay. And it's normal. We want our fear and our fight or flight.
We need that to stay alive. But to your point earlier, with stepping into telling your story, give yourself the freedom of going deeper, battling some of those things that we hold back for, just if, for nobody else. But for you allow yourself that freedom because it is, it is like you step into freedom when you no longer hold on to those traumas.
And some of the traumas, you don't even know that you held onto them. They can happen from when you were a baby or before in the womb. Like things happen that hold onto our energy and create these beliefs that you didn't permit it. So give yourself the freedom to let them go. Yeah. I and I think, you know
when we're thinking of entrepreneurs, the way that shows up might be, and I'm trying to engage this email list and I can't make it interesting, like, or I'm not getting a lot of engagement from people or it might be, I can't get clients to come in. Why, why aren't they converting from my copy on my website or my nurture sequence.
And a lot of the time what I find is that we're being so cognitive about it. You know, we're doing all this training, like what makes good copy, which is important. We want to be good copywriters or, or what attracts the target audience, again, a skill we want, but if we're staying cognitive about it, that our people that we're trying to target or are experiencing a cognitive thing,
that's not if they're coming to you for some kind of help, that's not necessarily cognitive, right? Like how many people know exactly the help they need, like with your coach or if you're offering some kind of service. I mean, we all know that we have to get down to the pain point. Like here's the surface level understanding of what they need.
Here's what they need. Well, we have to do that for ourselves. And so what I find is if emails aren't really connecting, it's probably because we ourselves, haven't gone down into who we are when we're writing it and allowed our own selves to feel what we're trying to get them to feel. And if we're not feeling it, they're not going to feel it anywhere in our actual work with them as clients and how we're trying to engage them through our copy.
And so, again, right, we mislabel it writer's block, or I just don't have the skill I need to do the good copy. When in reality is what you said, we have to be willing to stop and ask ourselves, have I gone deep enough with myself here in the ways that I'm trying to help people? And if not, how can I get into the emotions of it again so that I'm writing from a passionate place and not just a cognitive space.
And that's what people connect with real humans that they can feel on the other side of that screen, who say, I've been there. I felt it. And I see you, and I'm a few steps ahead of you. And this is how I can help you get to where I am. But if we're just like, Hey, here's what I offer.
Come get it, That emotional, full chills. And that's the story part because, and this is what I preach. And I have worked so hard on myself because I was there. I was in that position, but I'm doing all of these things. And I, you know, I've taken all the courses and I've taken all the things, but I had not come to terms with who I was.
And I connect very much with my higher self, so who I am inside and who I'm meant to be my higher self when I connect with her, everything flows. And it's the same person. We just work from different energies instead of being very in the masculine energy, very thought-provoking and you know, just strategic, lower into your feminine energy and allow your true higher self to come through in the emails,
in the videos, in all of the things that we're doing and ask, it might be in true with myself because when you haven't connected with that right clients, or you're, you know, nobody's responding because they can feel it. Everybody can feel fake. And not that you're trying to be fake. You just, haven't connected with that part that, you know,
is what brings that energy into it, Right? Like I'm copywriting or ads. But again, I want to build our skillset, but so often we've got the skills, you've got enough to begin building this thing we want to do. We just have it. We're scared. It is scary to look at yourself. Why are we so busy in this culture?
Because as soon as we're not, we're left alone with our thoughts and we're scared of our thoughts, right? We're covering a lot of stuff. And so in those moments where you're looking at your business saying, how can I grow this? How can I attract the right people on the front end? It's almost always going to be what you said, that we would stop and slow down and become aware of ourselves for usually in a kind of business as entrepreneurs to help people who've experienced something we've experienced.
And we want to fill the gap where we didn't have something we needed. Now we want to offer it. Or we were met with that thing and loved it so much. We want to keep giving it. So there's almost always right. A human deeply emotional connection. We have to what we're doing, not everybody, but I would say a lot of us.
And so those stuck places are connected to that. It's not the copy. It isn't it isn't right. It's, it's mostly first. And primarily have I been willing to connect with myself at that deeper level, understand and feel again, why this matters to me, and then chase down the benefit. Okay. That's beautifully said. And once we do that,
it's like magic because it turns on that creativity and all of a sudden the words are the right words. It's connecting with the right people. And that's where you get into the flow. And you don't have to worry so much about what email I can write one email, but because I'm so connected, I don't have to have 20 emails. It gets to the point quickly because I have allowed myself to go there.
Yeah. Oh, I Marcy. I could really talk to you for like ever. I love your energy. And I thank you so much for being on the show because I feel like this is a very important topic and it's so important what you're doing and the storytelling and moving the trauma, please, if you haven't already followed her, please go on and everything's going to be connected in the blog.
So you can go check out her Ted talks and all of her information, and we are going to keep connected. So if you have questions for either one of us message us, we're real people, we like to talk and be there to support. So message us. And just let us know if this has made a big difference or if it had like a light bulb moment for you.
And please tell us where we can find you. Yeah. So marcypusey.com, which we'll have linked below is a great place. And actually, I wanted to say this, when you go there, there will be a pop-up for a free guide on how to begin to heal trauma through storytelling. And so that sounds like a benefit to anyone. Go grab it.
It's free. It's just something I wanted to get people to start thinking about. What does this look like to use my stories? Which story do I need to choose to begin healing? So I can be in that open pasture, right? So marcypusey.com, and that will actually direct you to any of the other places I hang out for publishing consulting or editing,
that kind of thing. I'm on Instagram. And then I do have a Facebook community as well, which I believe is the LinkedIn side of that guide. It's called reclaiming hope. You are more than your traumatic experiences, or you are more than your trauma. It's I should know the name of this reclaiming copies is more than your trauma certs on Facebook. It's a,
it's a, still a small intimate community of people also free who are just grappling with traumatic experiences they've had and wanting to be in a safe space to talk about those things and ask questions so That too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That way it will make it easy for you to find her. We appreciate you giving us those free because that's where we get started.
So take advantage of being in those groups and, you know, talk and move forward. Like, take those tiny little spaces. I mean, steps towards the spaces that are safe, and Marcy is creating a space for you to start growing and getting into those open pasture fields. We all want to be there. So thank you again so much for being here.
It was such a pleasure and hopefully, we'll do another one. And I love that So much. I, I never take it lightly when someone trusts me with their people any, and you've done that. And so thank you. It's, it's an honor. And to all of you listening, you know, I, I, we believe in you, we believe in you wherever you are,
and we're here to support you and help you. So thank you. Yes. Thank you. And I take my people very seriously, so I hold them close and I, I immediately know when your energy is in the right place and this is what we're here to do all, do it together. We all can lift one another and it takes a village.
So I am creating and wanting to be a part of a village that is so positive with energy and support. So thank you. Make sure you come back next week. And don't forget that this episode is sponsored by the moon meditations, a new and a full moon every single month. So make sure you come and check us out on there to also help you just get centered and start clearing out some stuff and manifesting your best business and life.
Thank you again and see you next week. Thank you so much for listening today. Please make sure that you go over to the blog and follow all the links for our guests and get the downloads that we talked about. I would also love and appreciate it if you would share this podcast with your friends and family. And if you wouldn't mind taking just a minute to leave a review,
that would mean the world to me. Thank you again so much from the bottom of my heart for listening and staying tuned